Ignorance is Bliss
by griZzlyAngel
Summary: What if Rick Grimes wasn't the only one left alive in that hospital? What if he wished he were? Rick/OC, canon characters OOC at times.
1. When Rick Met Audrey

A/N: Hey, guys and gals! So in the midst of writing chapter four of _When the Dead Start Walking, the Piper Starts Flying, _I've come up with this little morsel to make the time between chapters a little more bearable. It's pure comedy and allows me to have some fun with TWD. I need to blow off steam, and writing humor is always a great way of doing so. So yeah, this contains an OC, but she has nothing to do with Prue from my other more serious fic. She's just for fun basically. Just a heads up, canon characters may purposefully be OOC at times. I really don't have a lot to say about this, just read it and I guess we will see where this goes…

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story are mine.

* * *

"Shane, are you in the John?"

Rick Grimes, slightly delirious, twisted his head to look towards the bathroom that was connected to the room he occupied in the hospital, but there came no form of answer. Sighing, he turned his head the other way to take a look at his vase of flowers from dispatch, only to find that they were not so beautiful anymore. They were wilted and petals had begun to shed from their stems. Rick's eyebrows subconsciously rose, his mouth gaping. Curious, he glanced at the clock on the wall and found that it had stopped working.

Well, this was all very strange...

With difficulty the police officer got out of his bed (or rather fell out of it) and hobbled over to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and grimaced at his reflection; he'd grown a beard. When had that happened? How long had he been out? No one bothered to keep him properly groomed?

Licking his lips, Rick realized he was more than a little dehydrated. He tried the sink's tap, and it was still running water. He gulped up as much as he could before starting on his way to figure out just what the hell was going on. Opening his door proved to be difficult, as there was a friggin' gurney bed sitting right in front of it! What dumbass would do that? The sheriff peeked his head out, ready to have a few choice words with the first nurse to cross his path. However, he was met with what appeared to be a very abandoned hospital. He blinked, utterly confused, then waddled out into the hall. As he shuffled along, the tiny ball of impending doom that had started growing in the pit of his stomach back in his room was now spreading throughout his entire body. Things were not looking so good and Rick was beginning to panic in his mind. He stopped at the corner of the corridor where a nurse's station was set up and frantically searched for a flashlight, because some of the electricity had apparently gone out. The place was demolished by what he could see. He wondered if that long talked of WWIII had finally occurred while he was in his coma. That would suck. Oh well, life goes on…

After a good few minutes of ransacking the station's desk, Rick believed he was out of luck. Seems all of the flashlights were gone. Fortunately though, there was a single pack of matches left behind. Snatching this, the cop withdrew a matchstick and swiped it across the pack's pad. It gave off a pitiful glow, but it was better than nothing. Peering over the desk of the station, the man nearly shit his pants. There, huddled in the corner, was a woman. And she was staring at him. And she was oddly smiling.

"Jesus!" Rick gasped, jumping back in fright.

"Hey!" the woman popped up unnaturally fast. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, Buddy! I'm just a girl. No real threat."

"What-what the hell are you doing back there?" he said, chest heaving as he caught his breath.

"Um, hiding." she said blandly.

"From what?" Rick questioned, apprehensive of her presence. "What the hell is going on here? This place looks like a tornado hit it. Where is everyone?"

The woman snorted, which made Rick tilt his head. He stiffened as she walked around the desk, giggling all the while. She too was in a hospital gown, he noticed. Leaning with one arm against the counter, she let her head rest on her right shoulder as she looked at him with a horrifyingly casual smile.

"Dude-" she began, but then stopped short, her smile fading. "Actually, I have no witty comment to make. I'm as clueless as you are right now."

Rick sighed and rolled his eyes, though it was too dim for her to see.

"Great."

He turned and started making his way around the corner down the next corridor, knowing she'd follow. He could hear her feet slapping along the linoleum behind him a few seconds later.

"Where are you going?" she asked, coming up close.

"I'm going to find a way out of here and figure out what's happened."

"Can I come with you, please?"

Rick halted and stumbled a bit when she collided with him.

"Whoa!" she caught his arm before he could fall. "Um, sorry."

"It's alright." The policeman grunted.

"So, can I come with you?" she repeated, a hopeful tone in her voice.

Rick was surprised she'd even ask such a silly question. Why would he leave some defenseless lady alone in a place like this? He wouldn't be a gentleman for it, that's for sure. Rick Grimes considered himself a gentleman. It was part of his personal tao.

"Of course."

She let out a soft sound of delight, like a dog holding in an excited whine at the sight of a treat from its owner.

"Oh, thank you!"

"You're wel-" he was cut off by her before he could finish.

"My name's Audrey. What's yours?"

"Uh, Rick."

"Oh, that's cool. Hi, Rick, how are you today?"

"Pretty disturbed. How about you?" he couldn't believe he was doing this with her.

"'Bout the same, except now I'm a lot less so now that you're here."

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I do enjoy reviews from time to time… Ah, who am I kidding? I love them ALL THE TIME!


	2. Nightmare Hospital Time

A/N: Not much to say except that this is pretty short. Sorry! I promise to update very soon!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story are mine.

* * *

"So, Rick, what were you in for?" Audrey joked, chortling.

Rick did not immediately answer her, as his attention was drawn to a pair of doors with windows. He walked up and looked through. The sight on the other side caused his stomach to lurch with a terrible mixture of horror and disgust. Audrey came up next to him and looked through the other window, then gasped and retreated.

"Oh God, that is-that is n-not good. N-not good at all." she was shaking now, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort.

The policeman, just as unsettled as the woman, backed up and turned away from the doors. The two wandered the hospital's halls for a long while more, their hearts racing with each new, creepy scene that transpired before them. Lights were hanging from the ceiling, faulty electricity illuminating bullet holes along the walls and blood splatters everywhere. It was like a fludging nightmare. Finally, when turning yet another corner, they came upon a corridor that led straight to another set of doors, except these had no windows. The swing doors were chained, padlocked and secured with a plank of wood through the handles, a message written across them. The two cautiously approached the sinister doors, halting some feet in front of them.

Audrey rubbed her chin thoughtfully, reading the message aloud.

"'Don't dead, open inside'? What the heck is that supposed to mean?!"

"It's 'don't _open_, _dead_ inside'." Rick corrected her.

"Oh, yeah, I knew that..." Audrey crossed her arms, her cheeks burning.

"Sure you did."

"Hey, no need to-"

But before she could complete her sentence, the doors jolted forward suddenly, making both of them spring backwards in surprise.

"Holy shizzlebiscuit!" Audrey cried, clinging to Rick, her eyes gigantic.

There was a moment and then out from the slim parting of the doors emerged fingers. They weren't ordinary fingers either. These were bony, gray, decaying fingers, like that of a corpse. Rick and Audrey watched with gaping mouths and wide eyes as more like these slid out, gripping and clawing at the doors. Beyond the doors could be heard low moaning and it chilled them to the marrow of their bones.

"I think we better go now, Rick." Audrey whispered in his ear, her nails digging into his upper arms.

"I-I think you're right." he returned, breathing hard.

They found a door to the emergency stairs a few minutes later and plunged into the darkness on the other side, hoping to escape the hellhole hospital.

"Ugh, I can't see a thing! I hope those _things _aren't in here." Audrey breathed, still clutching Rick's left arm like a vice.

"Don't say that!" was his anxious retort.

"Sorry… What do you think they were anyway?"

"Hell if I know," Rick lit one of the matches he'd found earlier. "Well, this don't help us much, does it?"

"Nope!" the woman answered him cheerfully.

"I was speaking hypothetically." he said dully.

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay."

He started down the first flight of steps carefully with her attached firmly to his side. The arm she had in her iron grip was beginning to go numb, which sort of scared Rick.

"Um, could you ease up on me a bit, please?" he requested as politely as possible.

"Oh, yeah!" she instantly released him, laughing nervously. "Sorry about that."

"No need to apologize-" he stopped on a dime as the match flickered out, leaving them in a black hole.

"Crud. I hate the dark." came Audrey's dismayed whisper.

"Hold on-" Rick fiddled with the matches, sweeping the tip of one across the pad, producing their miniature torch once more. "There we go. Back in business."

"My hero."

The sheriff snorted at her dry comment and led the rest of the way down the stairs, pausing a couple of more times to light a new match when the original burned out. This took them a good ten minutes until finally they reached level one where the exit was. Rick looked over at Audrey by the light of the match and gave her a faint smile.

"Ready to breathe some fresh air?"

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	3. What's with all the Dead People?

A/N: Not much to say except hello to everyone and that this chapter is bit more longer than the last. So enjoy!

Shout Outs: To my two reviewers speedy964 and denisia, who I could not reply to unfortunately because you were not logged in, but thank you anyway!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story, like Audrey, are mine.

* * *

Outside the sun was bright enough to momentarily blind the two as they left the hospital's rear exit. Blinking rapidly through tears, Rick and Audrey slowly made their way down the metal steps that led from the exit door and onto the loading dock where a most terrifying sight came to meet their eyes.

Like that was anything new.

"God, what the hell? Like, is this real life?" Audrey thought aloud.

All along the loading dock were dozens of lines of hundreds of dead bodies wrapped in bloody, white sheets. It was like straight out of a horror flick. Flies droned as they whizzed from one rotting body to the next to either lay eggs or suck up some food for the road. It smelled pretty bad, making Rick lightheaded and unsteady on his feet.

"Whoa!" Audrey caught his arm as he swayed on the spot.

Rick tried his best to steady himself, swallowing back the instinct to vomit. He gently tugged his arm away from the woman's grasp and started forward through one of the aisles of corpses, wanting to get out of the hellish area. Audrey followed him without question. They came to a part where the lawn around the hospital was and climbed the grassy hill to the top where they surveyed the landscape. As far as either could see, there was no sign of life. At least human life anyway. The unnatural silence was disconcerting.

"Um, so what do we do now?" Audrey turned to Rick expectantly.

"Well, I don't know about _we, _but _I'm _going home."

"Home? Like to your house?"

Rick nodded, hobbling away down the other side of the hill.

Audrey hurried after him. "Can I come with you?"

Rick stopped and looked back at her.

"Where do you live, Audrey?"

The woman came to a halt, lifting an eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean?" she was confused.

"I mean, where is _your _home? Nearby?" he thought he had clarified himself.

Audrey's befuddled expression morphed into one of dread and she turned as white as a ghost.

"I-I don't remember."

Rick blinked at her. Now he was confused.

"You don't remember what? Where you lived?"

She gave a tentative nod, biting her lower lip. The policeman sighed wearily, rubbing his scruffy face with his palms.

"Come with me." he said with patent reluctance, beckoning her.

"Really?" she perked up.

"Yes, but do as I say. No goofing off. I'm serious."

He looked it too and there was no way that Audrey was going to disobey this man.

Gulping, she gave him a salute.

"Yes, sir!"

He had not seen the salute, for he'd already turned back around and was now making his way towards the road. Audrey sighed and followed. Once they'd found the road, they also found the sidewalk, which would lead them into the suburbs of King's County, where Rick's home was located. The stroll there was mostly quiet save for Audrey's pitiful attempts at making conversation with him, though she didn't mind his lack of reciprocation too much. It was just nice to be outside in the sunshine, even if the world seemed to have ended somehow. It was nicer to know she wasn't alone in this. And it was even nicer to have a big, strong man as a companion. Bonus the fact that he was a _total_ babe.

"Can't believe you got shot! That's crazy shit right there," she'd been on this topic for a good five minutes now, though she couldn't find herself bored of it. "I mean, that's like what? A miracle or something?"

Rick was itching with irritation, but he remained a polite gentleman nonetheless.

"Yeah, you could say that, I guess. Don't sell yourself short, though. I heard some pretty bad stories of appendicitis."

Audrey blew a raspberry, flicking her hand carelessly.

"It was nothing compared to hitting my head on that cement floor. Now my memory's all jacked up."

"Is that why you can't remember where your house is?" Rick wondered.

"No. I never had a house to begin with."

The cop glanced at her, brow knotted with bewilderment.

"You never had a home? I'm sorry, but, what?"

"I kinda was a gypsy. First I lived with my parents a while, then I went to live with my sister, then with my best friend, then with my grandma, then with my cousin Jake, then with my great aunt Slappy, then with the creepy guy who lived on the corner of our block…"

She went on listing the places she'd stayed before the apocalypse like this for another three minutes or so, wearing on Rick's nerves like a crappy summer pop song that would play on repeat in your mind for weeks on end until jabbing yourself in the head with a butcher knife suddenly sounded like a brilliant idea. Finally he had to do something to make her quit rambling before he lost his polite gentlemanliness demeanor, which was never a good experience.

"Hey! Look!" he stopped in his tracks, pointing ahead with excitement. "A bicycle!"

"Oh, cool!" the woman bounced on the balls of her feet.

"Race you to it!" Rick said this as he darted forward as fast as his weak legs would allow.

"Hey! No fair!" he could hear her whine from behind.

The sheriff reached the abandoned bike first, feeling rather victorious, and hurried to stand it up when he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. He looked and seen a half of a dead body lying face down in the grass about six feet away.

"Nice bike, Richard Grimes." Audrey commented as she trotted up, smiling.

"Don't call me that." Rick grunted.

"But, that's your name." Audrey stated with bemusement.

"I prefer _Rick_ Grimes."

"Ah, okay," she placed her hands on her hips and looked around. "Oh, hey look, another dead person. Ew…"

As if on cue, when she said this there came a gasp from the decaying body and it rolled over to face them. It hissed and began crawling in their direction.

"Really?" Audrey shook her head at the living dead woman, then noticed Rick was no longer next to her. "Hey? What? Rick? Rick!"

Rick grinned to himself as he sped down the sidewalk on the bike, his gown flapping behind him like a cape. He'd ditched the woman against his better judgment, but he needed to get home to his family and she was only slowing him down. Not to mention she was getting on his nerves and he'd only known her for less than an hour! Coming up on his address, Rick slowed and jumped off the bicycle, rushed up the front steps to the front door of his house and went inside.

"Lori? Lori!" he called his wife's name, jogging from room to room. "Carl! Carl, Lori!"

With panic rising in him, Rick stumbled into the kitchen, fearing the absolute worse for his family. Tears blurring his vision, the policeman collapsed to the floor. He cried and cried, pounding his fist against the floorboards, knowing it wouldn't do him any good. It just felt nice since he was so upset. After some time of throwing a fit, he sat up and lifted his head, only to meet a pair of familiar green eyes.

"Christ!" he yelped.

Audrey had her arms folded across her chest, an aggrieved expression splayed on her face.

Guilt gripped Rick's soul then and he swallowed hard, presenting her with a half-assed smile.

"Oh, hi Audrey. You scared me."

"Why did you leave me?" she snapped harshly down at him.

"Leave you? I didn't-I thought you were right behind me!"

"Oh sure you did. What? Do I look dumb to you?!"

Rick contemplated her for a minute. He took in her image of platinum blond hair, attractive face, voluptuous figure, which was scarcely hidden by the thin hospital gown, and decided that she certainly fit the role of dumb if he ever saw it. Of course, he didn't say that out loud.

"No…"

Unexpectedly she lightened up, letting her arms down to hang at her sides.

"No I don't. Because I'm not. So, what seems to be the problem Mr. Grimes?"

"Um, well, my wife and son are missing and I'm real worried about them." Rick explained quite blatantly.

"Huh, well I wouldn't be too worried about them if I were you." Audrey said offhandedly as she sauntered around the kitchen, picking up a piece of lined paper from the countertop.

Rick straightened, his brow creasing with incomprehension.

"What do you mean by that?"

"It says so on this paper," she held the lined paper out to him. "It's a note from your wife I guess. Is her name Lori?"

"Yes! Let me see that!" he swiped the paper from her in a greedy manner.

It read:

_Dear Rick,_

_Even though I know you're dead, I still felt it necessary to write this letter to you. You know, in case by some miraculous chance you happen to be alive and come back here looking for me and Carl. Unless your spirit comes back instead, which is totally possible too. Either way, you could read this. So like anywho, just in case you're freaking out or anything, I want you to know that we are totally safe and sound. Shane came to save us when the world ended and we are so okay, okay? He says he'll take good care of us for you, so don't worry. He says he'll make sure Carl learns how to be a man and will continue to give me the amazing sex that you never did give me, but it's okay, because I love you and he loves you and Carl semi-loves you, I guess. Again, don't worry, my little pink suckleberry, we're cool, everything's cool. So, if you get this letter, you can rest assured we are safe and will not need your assistance any further. Shane has got it covered._

_Love you until I love you no more!_

_~Lori_

_P.S. We have condoms!_

Rick's jaw had dropped and he swore that he'd become aflame within. And then his entire soul just died instantaneously. With a faint whimper, he crumpled the letter, laid down and curled into a fetal position on the kitchen floor.

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	4. Oreos

A/N: I was going to add more to this chapter, but it's late, I'm tired, and plus eager to get another update to you guys/gals, so here you go! Have fun!

Shout Outs: To DetectiveMax and Denisialionesse. Thanks for reviewing! Now everyone else follow their example!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story, like Audrey, are mine.

* * *

"Oh, come on now! I mean, yeah, it sucks you have a whore for a wife, but, look on the bright side, she and your son are still alive. Isn't that good enough?"

"My best friend and my wife. My best friend and my wife." Rick was mumbling to himself over and over, in a trance of trauma.

Audrey rolled her emerald eyes, crossing her arms.

"Yes, that's right, your best friend and wife are officially knocking boots. At least they were smart enough to use condoms anyway. Can we move on now, Rick? I mean, you're kind of being a baby, which is a huge turn-off for me."

"My wife and my best friend? My w-wife and b-best _friend?" _he was starting to get a crazy glint in his blue eyes, making Audrey uncomfortable.

As he continued with his mantra of misery, she went about exploring the kitchen, because for one, she was starving and two, she suspected they'd be needing food for the road until they found a safe place to hang. However, it turned out that Whorie Lori was a hog and packed up most of the kitchen with her to go, leaving just a handful of crackers, salt packets and-Oreos?!

"No flippin' way!" the blond snatched the package of cookies from the cupboard, salivating at the sparkling image on the plastic wrapping.

"Hey, _Sheriiff, _guess what I found?" came her sing-song voice.

"How could she? How could he? How could _they?!" _Rick was pulling at his hair, tears streaming down his stubbly face.

Audrey returned to his side and crouched down, shoving a cookie in his open mouth as started to wail in anguish.

"Purty tasty huh?" she said with enthusiasm, munching her own at the same time. "Let me guess, they were Carl's?"

The policeman's eyes bulged and he clawed at his throat as he gagged on the unexpected treat that had been lodged into his gaping mouth. Audrey watched the man with adoration, oblivious to the fact that he was choking to death. All she could think of was how cute he was. Popping another Oreo into her mouth, the blond scooted closer, patting his head affectionately.

"Hey there, no need to turn into a wreck, Sheriff Grimes, these sort of things happen all the time! You won't be the first and you won't be the last either. Heck, I've had ten guys cheat on me! How do you think I feel? You don't see me dying over it, do you?" she tried to console him through her mouthful.

When Rick didn't respond and continued hacking up bits of Oreo into the air as he struggled to breathe properly, his face turning from red to blue all the while, Audrey grew slightly annoyed.

"Really, Dude?" she swallowed her Oreo, then proceeded to backhand him thrice across the face. "Get. Yourself. Together! For the love of God!"

At this, Rick flopped over and finally dislodged the cookie chunk from his esophagus. It flew through the air and landed in a pot of flowers on the opposite side of the kitchen. Gasping for breath while he rolled onto his back, Rick's color returned to normal and he was no longer crying. Audrey seen this and placed her hands on her hips, smiling and nodding with self-satisfaction.

"Should have done that sooner," she mumbled to herself. "Feeling better, Sheriff?"

"B-better? _Better?!" _he shakily sat up, anger written all over his face. "You almost killed me with a _fucking OREO!"_

"Killed you with an Oreo?" the blond blinked at him, perplexed. "Um, no, actually, I was providing you with nourishment. Also, goodies always cheer sad people up, don't they?"

Sheriff Rick Grimes could have said some choice words, but instead he let out a frustrated cry, got to his feet and fled from the house in a seething rage. He stepped out into the sunlight and fell to his knees on his front lawn, lifting his face to the heavens.

"Why must you punish me so, God?! What did I do to deserve all this?! WHAT?!"

He flinched at the touch of a delicate hand upon his shoulder.

It was Audrey's delicate hand, of course. Who else would have delicate hands? Shane? I doubt it. Well, maybe…

"Why are you screaming at the sky?" she inquired like an innocent child.

Rick shrugged her hand off roughly. "Because, I'm fucking losing my mind."

"Oh…" the woman thought about this for a moment, suddenly brightening up. "Me too!"

"Lord Jesus Almighty…" he groaned exhaustedly, massaging his face with the palms of his hands.

"I love Jesus." Audrey said robotically, sitting down close next to him so that their shoulders bumped.

The policeman shot up onto his feet at the unwanted contact and skittered away from her, resembling an infuriated feline with its fur sticking up in the air and fangs bared as a warning.

"Can you _please _give me some space?!" he hissed at the overly-chummy woman.

She looked quite offended by his belligerence. He'd seemed like such a gentleman! Well that has certainly changed.

"What the heck has _your _panties in a knot?!" said she, crossing her arms over her pronounced chest.

"Oh, nothing, nothing, except for the fact that my life has gone to utter _shit." _was his severely sarcastic response.

Rick then turned his back to her and walked to the path that led to his front steps, where he sat down and proceeded to indulge in some more shameless self-pity. As he did, he failed to notice the sound of metal hitting something with a _thunk!, _followed by a dull thud behind him, for his entire attention was drawn to a drunk guy staggering down the middle of the street.

"Hey! You there!" he shouted at the man. "You okay?!"

_I have the strangest feeling that someone is sneaking up on me from behind all of a sudden. How cliché, _he thought to himself.

Turning his head around, half-expecting to come face-to-face with Audrey, Rick was taken by surprise when instead he saw a young black boy there. In the boy's hands was a rather large shovel. A smile began to stretch Rick's lips but, before the sheriff could say a word, the boy had hurled the shovel at his face, where it collided with a metallic _bang!_

And then Rick was out like a light.

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	5. An Estrogen-Fueled Living Nightmare

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story, like Audrey, are mine.

* * *

_"My name's Audrey. What's yours?"_

_"God, what the hell? Like, is this real life?"_

_"I love Jesus."_

_._

_._

_._

Blonde. Blonde hair was everywhere, accompanied by high-pitched giggling. Rick tried to run, but it was futile; he simply could not escape the estrogen-fueled nightmare. His eyelids popped open and he was awake. For a moment he imagined he was back in the hospital bed reemerging from his coma and his heart lifted with great joy. That is until he became more alert and saw that this room was nothing like the sterile-white of the hospital's. He was obviously in someone's bedroom and... His wrists were bound to the headboard of the bed? What the fuck? First thought that came to mind was that Audrey had knocked him out and had some fun with his unconscious body. The sheriff cringed strongly at the idea of being molested by the ding-dong.

This hypothesis was abandoned though when his gaze fell upon a familiar African American child. This time his hands gripped a baseball bat rather than a shovel. Not much of an improvement. Rick opened his mouth to speak to him, when the sound of latex gloves snapping made him stop and look around. On his right there was a black man, perhaps close to his own age, standing near a bedside table where a large green bowl sat. He was throwing the suspected pair of rubber gloves away, talking as he did.

"You got that bandage changed now. It was pretty rank," he dipped and washed his hands in the green bowl. "What was the wound?"

Rick breathed in and out, disoriented.

"Gunshot."

"Gunshot?" the stranger seemed skeptical. "What else? Anything?"

Rick found himself irritated by the man's rude disregard for what he thought was a pretty bad wound to acquire.

"Gunshot ain't enough?" he returned with bitterness.

This apparently pissed the guy off, though Rick wasn't entirely sure how it would, and he stepped over, pointing his index finger at the cop's face threateningly.

"Look, I ask and you answer. That's common courtesy, right?" he leaned way over Rick, looking extremely grave. "Did you get bit?"

Rick stared at him for half a second, totally bemused.

"Bit?"

"Yes! Bit, chewed, maybe scratched. Anything like that?"

"No, I got shot," the sheriff paused to reflect on past events. "Just shot as far as I know."

The man stopped and studied Rick for a moment, then suddenly extended his arm towards his face. Rick instinctively flinched away, but the strange man explained that he only wanted to check his temperature byway the forehead.

"Feels cool enough. Fever would have killed you by now."

"I don't think I have one." the policeman said.

The man gave a nod. "Be hard to miss."

Rick watched then as he reached behind and withdrew a very large and very sharp hunting knife, which he proceeded to shove in his face.

"Take a moment, look how sharp it is," he leaned further, pointing it closer. "You try anything, I will kill you with it and don't think I won't."

Rick gulped, somehow believing every word that this man said, even though it was obvious he was a loon. Better to agree with a crazy motherfucker than be sliced and diced like salad tomatoes. After a brief burning stare, the stranger cut Rick's wrist bindings with the knife, freeing him of the rough rope. When he was done, he stuck the knife back in his pocket and said.

"I suppose you'd like to see your wife now?"

Rick raised an eyebrow at him as he rubbed his aching wrists.

"My wife?"

"Yeah, the blonde with the big green eyes and-_ahem_-fit figure."

"Don't you mean stacked, Dad?" the boy spoke for the first time.

"What did I just hear from your mouth?!"

The boy jumped in fright, then fled from the bedroom. Rick wasn't so sure if he should have laughed or be disturbed by the exchange between the father and son, as they appeared to be.

"Excuse my son, Duane," the man shook his head wearily. "He ain't got a lick of sense sometimes, I swear."

"Oh, he's excused," Rick was keen on a more pressing issue. "Did you say a blond with green eyes? Is she here?"

The man gave a nod.

"Shit." Rick had hoped she'd stumbled into a wormhole.

"You two not on good terms right now? I know marriage can be rough, but you better get over whatever the problem is, because you gonna need each other out there-"

"We are _not _married." Rick cut across him sharply.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought-I just assumed-"

"It's okay. It would have made sense... I guess."

"Um, would you still like to see her? Cause I know she's been dying to see _you." _

"Oh really?" said Rick unenthusiastically, rolling his eyes. "Well, if she's actually dying, then I suppose she can take a quick peek at me. But only a _quick peek. _Nothing past two seconds."

The man nodded and left the bedroom, and not even a minute later Audrey barged in. There were tears in her eyes and she was making a weird squealing sound which disturbed Rick. She bounded over to his bedside, dropping to her knees and started grabbing at any part of him she could reach before he ripped it away.

"Oh Rick! Oh my God! I thought you were _dead!" _she sobbed hysterically.

Rick's features held nothing but fear and revulsion for her. He moved as far back from her as he could before he would fall off the other side of the bed. She was blubbering on and on about her concerns for him, but none of that penetrated his skull. He'd already had enough of her.

"Yeah, yeah, that's great!" he patted Audrey's platinum head, which was pretty damn soft by the way. "But, uh, time's up! You're past your two second mark!"

The woman looked at him with puffy, red eyes and pouty lips, sniffling.

"W-what?"

"You need to leave now!"

"But-but-"

"No buts! I need a moment to rest. Just go hang out with those guys for a bit and I'll see you soon, okay? Please?"

He looked at her imploringly and she relented with reluctance.

"Okay, but if you need anything, just holler and I'll come running." she told him as she stood up.

"Of course." he flashed her a fake smile.

Audrey hovered with hesitance for a moment on the spot; then suddenly she swooped down upon him and pecked his forehead. Rick's body went absolutely rigid in the bed, his blue eyes bulging out of their sockets. The woman straightened, flipped her hair over her shoulder, smiled sweetly at him and departed from the room. It took a long time for the cop to register what had occurred and when it did he felt an odd, warm sensation swell at the pit of his stomach. It grew and grew until finally Rick knew what the feeling was.

He shot up and leapt out of the bed, going right for the waste paper basket in the corner of the bedroom. In it he blew chunks. Thus he knew that Audrey kisses were toxic and must be avoided at all costs.


	6. Murderer

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story, like Audrey, are mine.

* * *

Sometime later Rick left the comfort of the bedroom he'd been placed in and shuffled through the hallways until he finally came upon the father and son in the dining room. Audrey was there as well, pacing back and forth with a worried expression weighing on her face. He groaned inwardly, not at all looking forward to dealing with the blonde again. The aroma of whatever it was that the man was cooking captivated the policeman's nose and he suddenly found himself gliding forward into the dining room against his will. At the sight of him, Audrey gave another high-pitched squeal of what Rick surmised was joy or delight or something to that degree.

"You're up!" she scurried over to him. "Are you feeling better? Do you need help?"

Rick declined her assistance and shook his head vigorously.

"No, no, I'm fine. Just let me-"

His words were cut short when his foot caught on the rug and he stumbled to the floor with a yelp.

"Rick!" she cried in a panic. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

"Yes!" he slapped her hands away, getting to his feet shakily. "I am absolutely fine."

It was a lie, of course. He actually wanted to scream and cry like a baby, it hurt so much; but he refused to do so in front of her. As he stood there, gathering his bearings once more, he looked around and took in his surroundings. They were quite familiar actually.

"This place-" he began to speak to the man who'd changed his bandage. "Fred and Cindy Drake's?

"Never met 'em." says the man without looking at Rick.

Rick took a couple of steps, reaching out a hand to grab the back of a chair to steady himself.

"I've been here. This is their place." he said.

"It was empty when we got here." the man replied defensively.

Rick assessed the father and son for a few seconds, determining if that was really the case. They appeared to be legitimate. He was alive and well, as was Audrey... Unfortunately. They had not tried to kill them. Well, unless you counted that whole knife threat thing from earlier. That was close enough. Still though, Rick didn't believe this man to be malicious in any sort of way. Turning away from the two, the sheriff started to hobble out of the dining area and into the connecting living room. He went to the front window that was covered in sheets and blankets for some unknown reason, stretched out a hand to pull back the makeshift curtains so that he could have a look outside.

"Don't do that! They'll see the light." came the man's warning voice from behind.

Rick stopped and looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

"There's more of them out there than usual," said the man in a sober manner. "I never should have fired that gun today."

"Sound draws them. Now they'll be all over the street," he continued as he set about their measly meal for that night. "Stupid, using a gun. It all happened so fast, I didn't think."

Rick just looked at him, befuddled.

"Why would you have used a gun?" he slowly asked, creeping back into the dining room. "Did you... You didn't _shoot _someone, did you?"

"I shot one, yeah," the man said without emotion, nodding and pouring the hot beans he'd made into a porcelain bowl. "He was almost on you. What were you thinking anyway? Calling that thing over to you?"

It hit Rick then as he remembered the drunk guy he'd seen coming down his street, before that kid had whacked him upside the head with his shovel.

He swallowed, becoming slightly pale. "You-you shot that man?"

"_Man?" _the stranger echoed, incredulous.

"It weren't no man!" Duane piped.

His father turned on him in a heartbeat. "What the hell was that out of your mouth just now?"

The boy sighed exasperatedly. "It _wasn't _a man."

"Okay, okay, are you guys _seriously _trying to mess with me?" Rick questioned angrily, pointing at his chest for emphasis. "I know what I saw and what I saw was a _man. _A drunk man, but a man nonetheless."

"Friend, you need glasses. It was a walker you saw, not a man."

"_I _need glasses?!" the policeman's voice rose heatedly. "You know what I think? I think _you _need gla-"

"Rick, stop!" Audrey clamped a hand over his mouth to silence him.

Rick retreated from her wildly, hitting at her hand, looking outraged that she dare do such a thing.

"Stop? _Stop?" _he shrieked. "Are you _insane?!_ No! Don't answer that! These people are murderers and you are telling _me _to _stop?!"_

The blonde shook her head at him. "No, Rick, they're not."

"He _killed _a _man, _Audrey. I'm pretty sure that qualifies him as a murderer!"

"No, Rick! You don't understand. That guy-that _man-_wasn't alive!" she said with great earnest.

The sheriff gave her a dubious look.

"He wasn't alive? That's funny, last I checked the dead didn't go walking around!"

"Look, Rick-is that your name?-it looks like you're not quite up to speed on recent events," the brutal murderer decided to intercede. "Why don't you come over here, sit down, have ya some dinner and I'll explain everything I can to you."

* * *

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	7. Sleepy Time! Time for Sleep!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story, like Audrey, are mine.

* * *

Rick lie in the dark very much awake. It really wasn't his choice, but between Audrey burying herself beneath him, the front door knob rattling incessantly and the loud snores issuing from the other adult male in the household he gave up on sleep hours ago. As he lie there on his back staring up into the pitch black of the living room, his mind began to play back the horrifically long day. Starting with waking up in the hospital then ending here on this floor with three complete strangers. He thought of Lori, Carl and that abominable letter, causing a swell of emotion to rise inside of him. Hot tears sprung up at the corners of his eyes and he resisted the urge to sob with reckless abandon at the moment. It couldn't be true… Could it? How could she just forget about him like that? How could they, his wife and best friend, simply hook up without a pinch of guilt? Was Carl hurt by this? Did he even care? Probably not. Rick never did like that little bastard to begin with. The only comfort he had was knowing that Shane and Lori were using condoms.

His train of thought switched tracks to the latest topic then, concerning the living dead. So according to Morgan, as was the strange man's name, the world had decided to go to shit one fine sunny day whilst Rick was in his coma and now there was dead people walking around. Literal dead people. At first, Rick had laughed, believing the man to be a murderous fruitcake. Of course he was proven drastically wrong when he went to leave the house only to be met by a sickly-looking woman. She was not sick, however, but dead. She was not alone either-the entire street was filled with stumbling, moaning living corpses. It turned out the woman was actually Morgan's late wife. Sadly she'd contracted the virus or whatever it was that caused a person to die and reanimate. Understandably, Rick felt terrible for what he'd said to Morgan before this enlightenment. Morgan was a nice guy though. He easily forgave Rick and allowed the cop and his blonde buddy to stay the night, for which they were grateful.

_Don't get bit. _Morgan's words echoed in Rick's head.

Laying there pondering the daunting aspect of going outside tomorrow to face that ghoulish world once more, he did not notice the woman beside him stir.

"Rick? _Psst! _Rick, are you still up?" Audrey's loud whisper makes him start.

"Yes!" he hisses, annoyed. "I am. I thought _you _were asleep? Why aren't you asleep?"

"I was, but then I had a nightmare." she explained.

Rick sighed, rolling away from her. "It's not real, Audrey. Now go back to sleep."

"Yeah, but _those _things out there _are_." she persisted.

"Just go to sleep, Audrey." he ordered wearily.

There was a long pause where the policeman thought she'd actually listened to him. This presumption was swiftly blighted, however.

"Rick, thank you for letting me cuddle with you," she breathed on the back of his exposed neck, causing the hairs there to stand on end. "Because I'm kind of scared. You know, with all the dead people and stuff?"

"I'm not _cuddling _with you." he growled quietly.

"Well, whatever this is that we're doing, I thank you," the blonde considered her next words carefully. "You're a pretty sweet guy, Rick Grimes. I'm glad you found me today."

"_Good night_, Audrey!"

* * *

A/N: Really, really, _really _short chapter, I know! But, it was just too perfect standing on its own. If I'd added more, it would just not fit right, you know? To be honest, I should have just put this on the end of the last chapter instead, but, oh well. What's done is done.

Reviews are greatly loved in this place!


	8. Audrey and The Walker

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Walking Dead' or any of its related characters. Those are all property of Frank Darabont, Robert Kirkman, AMC and all others who hold copyright to this franchise. However, all original characters made up in this story, like Audrey, are mine.

* * *

"Are we sure they're dead?"

"Deader than doornails."

It was the following morning, close to eight it felt, and after a meager breakfast that consisted of supper leftovers Rick and Audrey had scrounged the deserted household for more appropriate attire, because running around in skimpy hospital gowns was getting old. They'd found some near-perfect fitting clothes thankfully: Rick in a plain white T-shirt and blue jeans, Audrey in a black blouse and light-colored jeans. Once dressed, they met Morgan in the kitchen for instructions. He gave each a weapon. A baseball bat for Rick and an iron fireplace poker for Audrey. Rick did not favor the idea of the airheaded woman toting about such a dangerous tool, but he had no time for objections as Morgan ushered them outdoors to start the training. The day was already hot and humid, which only added to the pressure they all were feeling.

Audrey, who was clinging to Rick, gave a nervous snort.

"You can't get much deader than that!"

"Would you _please_ let me go, Audrey?" the cop requested through gritted teeth.

"Oh! Yeah!" she hurriedly backed off, cheeks pink. "Sorry."

The three adults, plus Duane, crept outside cautious and wary. Rick expected a horde of walkers (as Morgan had dubbed them) to be lined up on the front lawn. On the contrary it was clear and quiet. While they continued down the front steps of the porch Morgan reminded them that even though the walkers were very much dead, there was still something in the brain that kept them going. Which is why the only way they could be eradicated was through skewering of the head-ideally the forehead. As the foursome treaded the walkway splitting the front lawn in half, they heard a familiar hissing sound.

"Walker!" Audrey cried with exaggeration, raising her iron poker.

"Hush up!" Morgan ordered crossly. "You wanna attract every damn one of his buddies in the vicinity?"

"N-no..." she stammered fearfully, lowering her weapon. "Sorry..."

Rick rolled his eyes. He predicted that woman would be her own death one of these days. Coming to a halt, the tiny group watched the previously resting walker rise up on wobbly legs and make its slow but steady way in their direction, arms outstretched, snarling viciously. Rick prepared himself, tensing his entire body, jaws clenched tight. The walker was five feet away and still coming. The sheriff charged and swung the baseball bat around to clobber the walking dead man, when suddenly blonde hair engulfed his visual field.

"HIYA! HIYA! HI-_YA!" _Audrey yelled as she beat the shit out of the walker.

Rick staggered back, having narrowly missed smashing her dumb head in with his bat. He, Morgan and Duane watched the woman utterly mutilate the walker for a good five minutes. The thing just kept going, even though it was nothing but pure gory mush now. So Audrey kept whacking him with her poker, blood and guts splattered on her fresh clothes. She didn't notice though; she was so engrossed with her mission at hand.

"Why. Won't. You. Die!" she screamed every word, losing patience.

Growing bored with the bloody show, Rick again rolled his eyes, readying his weapon once more as he stepped forward to help the dimwit.

"Do you even listen?" he questioned her tiredly, making a final blow with his bat to the walker's head. "The _head, _Audrey. It has to be the _head!"_

The woman stood breathing heavy on the spot, dropping her arm with the poker.

"Oh, yeah," she sniffed, swiping her free hand across her sweaty brow. "I just got so into the moment, you know? I totally forgot. Sorry."

The cop winced. "Stop that!"

Audrey blinked, confused. "Stop what?"

"Saying you're sorry!" he snapped. "You don't have to apologize for every single wrong thing you do!"

"Well, I-" she started to say, but was silenced at Rick's hand.

"No, I don't want to hear it."

"But, Rick-" she pressed.

"Shut up!" he cut her off sharply.

Audrey bit her lip, green eyes smoldering. She laid the bloody poker over her right shoulder, pivoted and walked away from him haughtily, letting out a yelp as she tripped over the curb. Rick snickered cruelly at her misfortune, wiping the gore from his baseball bat onto the grass. Morgan and Duane came to his side.

"She's a handful, ain't she?" Morgan surmised, his tone laced with amusement.

Rick shook his head at the ground, releasing a huge sigh.

"You have _no _idea."

* * *

They later returned to Rick's house with Morgan and Duane, because Rick remembered he had a set of keys that were to the small sheriff's department he worked for in King's County, where there were possibly running showers and hopefully lots of guns. Plus, he wanted to rip that letter up. Why had he not done so in the first place?

"They're alive. My w-_wife _and s-son," the sheriff could barely say without getting choked up. "At least they were when they left."

The party was congregated in the dining and kitchen area, Morgan seated at the table, Duane hovering behind him looking about curiously and Audrey in the corner of the kitchen gorging on the remaining pack of Oreos quite noisily. Rick was standing near the island counter, blinking back tears as he violently tore up Lori's note to the point that it resembled confetti. Morgan was watching him closely.

"How can you know? By the look of this place..." he questioned, glancing around.

"Oh, he knows because of the letter!" Audrey piped before tossing a seventh cookie into her mouth.

"Would you be quiet?!" said Rick in a very surly fashion.

This piqued Morgan's interest, his eyes trained on the demolished paper in the policeman's hands.

"They left you a note?" he queried.

Rick shook his head hard, walking over to the garbage can to deposit the shredded letter, brushing his hands off after doing so.

"No."

"Then what was that you just threw away?" Morgan persisted, pointing a finger at the garbage.

"The letter-" Audrey began.

"_Nothing!" _Rick shouted over her words, glowering at the blonde. "It was _nothing."_

Silence filled the house. Morgan and Duane stared wide-eyed at Rick, looking more than a little afraid. Audrey simply went on munching and crunching her cookies, emerald eyes twinkling with mischief. The cop, breathing loudly through his nose, stomped over to her and snagged the package from her hands.

"Hey!" she cried like a child, trying to grab them back from him.

Rick smacked her hands away, went to the garbage can and slam-dunked the Oreos inside. Leaving a disgruntled Audrey with Morgan and Duane, who were still staring at him as if he were some kind of monster, Rick left the kitchen then to retrieve the keys he'd come for.

This day was not off to a good start.

* * *

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